How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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