I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
