I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
