The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
