Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
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