Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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