didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
