help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
