The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
