I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Alive.
So much puke
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
