The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
