i think my tv is drunk
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
