They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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