Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
