OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
