Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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