bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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