Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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