ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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