think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
