We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
