I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
