a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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