my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
