Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
