Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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