My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
