he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
and you fell through a lawn chair
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
