You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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