So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
