i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
