so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
