Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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