people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
