I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
