If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
