he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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