You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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