I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
