my room smells like sperm. sweet.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
