I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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