i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
