turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
