well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
