she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I love you.
Bad choice
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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