I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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