If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
i think im in europe. pls send help
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
