they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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