he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
