we're blogging at a bar
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
