Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
