No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
