I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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